


When Doves Cry Backstage

by yekatracyna



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: M/M, mention of Katelyn!, mention of Vixen & Dusty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 10:46:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14259294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yekatracyna/pseuds/yekatracyna
Summary: Aquaria leaves Untucked crying, Cracker follows her.Sort of a  character study on Aquaria?





	When Doves Cry Backstage

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I still can't write and I find it very hard to articulate what I'm trying to say!  
> But I really love this pairing so can someone more talented please start writing those amazing stories we have for all the other ships?

When the rest of the girls came backstage after the critiques, Cracker saw how Aquaria got up and left. It had been one hell of an Untucked, even for her, and she had barely said anything in it.

 Miz Cracker wasn’t comfortable in the middle of any drama, that’s why she never said anything to the Vixen about her comment a couple of days back. She would protect and stick up for other people, but she never felt the need to do that for herself, she knew her worth, and so did all the people that mattered. She hardly got involved in Aquaria and Vixen’s discussion, but that didn’t mean that there weren’t things she wished she would’ve said.

Mainly, she felt bad for Aquaria. She knew the kind of person Aquaria was better than most people, and Aquaria did not cry fake tears. Aquaria was the sort of person that wanted to look tough all the time. No, maybe not tough, the Vixen was tough. Aquaria, she thought, aspired to be this detached untouchable sort of cool and careless, that no one would be able to touch. And she would never cry unless she was on the verge of breaking.

Cracker looked around the room, no one seemed to have noticed Aquaria leaving. The girl was wearing arrows and a feather mohawk on her head though, so they probably just didn’t care. Having no one come after you when you’re obviously feeling like shit was something no one deserved, Cracker decided. Why ever she felt the need to be that person for Aquaria though, she didn’t know. Truth be told, she didn’t think anyone else would willingly go after her, and the thought made her sad.

She excused herself and walked towards the make-up vanities where she had seen Aquaria last. There was an entrance to a hallway that led to the workroom, and Aquaria was sitting in it with her back against the wall.

She truly could not have chosen a better episode for a breakdown, the outfit and the tragic make up made her seem so innocent, and made for such an unbearably sad picture, the way she was slumped down against wall and wiping away her tears.

Cracker moved forward a bit, to stand in front of Aquaria, who still hadn’t lifted her head, Cracker wasn’t even sure if she’d heard anyone approach at all.

“Aquaria?”, she asked carefully.

Aquaria slowly lifted her head. There were lonely tears streaming down her face and her eyes were red and puffy, and there as some surprise in her eyes when she recognized Miz Cracker.

“I don’t think I need to ask if you’re okay, you’re clearly not, I just wanted to ask if you need anything? If I can do anything?”, Cracker tried again.

Aquaria sniffled and swallowed, trying to calm down.

“You know out of all the people in there you are the only one I know I have said unfair shit about, how come you are here?”

Cracker just shrugged.

“I didn’t want you to be alone. Mind if I sit?” She motioned to the floor next to Aquaria, and Aquaria made some room. Cracker took of her heels and comfortably fell on the floor next to Aquaria. There was a bit of comfortable silence, until Aquaria cleared her throat.

“I’m so sorry that I was such a cunt to you Cracker”

“It’s alright”, Cracker smiled, although it was a bit of sad smile.

“For what it’s worth I don’t think you faked your way here.” Her voice was trembling, and you could hear that she had been crying. “I’ve known you since I started Drag and you are the most talented girl New York has to offer.”

“Thank you”, Cracker said a bit too quick, only realizing afterwards what Aquaria was implying.

“Do you want to talk about what happened back there?”, Cracker asked. “I know you Aquaria, and you weren’t crying because the Vixen has better comebacks than you, that’s not you. I’m not accusing you of anything, or whatever, I’m just worried.”

Aquaria looked at her even more surprised, Cracker knew her better than she realized. She also just then remembered that they used to be quite good friends a couple of years back.

Still, she seemed reluctant to answer.

“Aquaria I know you better than you think I do anyways, and if you know me at all you know that I won’t tell anyone. I’m just trying to be a friend.”

“It was what Dusty said, about not being able to call me friend before this season. It’s not even about Dusty, I don’t care if we’re friends, it just… It brought up some insecurities I guess.”

Cracker looked at her encouragingly, urging her to go on.

“I don’t have a lot of friends. I always say it’s because I have no time. I sleep when they go to brunch, I get in drag when they go out for dinner or meet up for movie nights, and when they are out in the crowd partying, I’m all the way up on stage performing or backstage fixing a wig. I barely talk to the people who used to be my closest friends.”

Aquaria looked up at the ceiling, and Cracker realized it was because she was trying to stop herself from crying again.

“But I also never get along with other drag queens and I start to wonder if maybe the problem isn’t that I’m busy, it’s just that no one likes me enough to work around that. I’m always alone, and I keep it cool and act as if it’s by choice but…”

Cracker scooted a bit closer to Aquaria and put an arm around her shoulder. She was right about Aquaria. Not a bitch, just a scared 21-year-old who was in way over her head.

“It’s not you Aquaria, and I’m sure there’s plenty of people who love you more than you realize. Hey, Katelyn loves you!” Katelyn used to hang out with Aquaria, Cracker remembered. As far as she knew they got along great.

Aquaria smiled at the mention of Katelyn.

“Katelyn’s great. Do you miss her?” Aquaria knew that Cracker and Katelyn rarely went a day without seeing each other, and Cracker and been gone for a week.

“I do! But she’d kick my ass if went home this early, so I better hang in here for a bit”, Cracker laughed.

Aquaria seemed to have settled into the weird side embrace, she had rested her head on Cracker’s shoulder. They both felt weirdly comfortable with each other, like they’d finally found that support they never realized they needed in here.

“Aquaria I don’t think the other queen necessarily don’t like you. You come across as very entitled and bitchy, and some of them are too intimidated by you to look beyond that. They don’t realize that that’s your way of dealing with those unreal expectations put upon you by your fans.”

“I wish they didn’t have as high expectations. Look what I’ve done here so far, I’ll just be another disappointed overhyped look queen. When that’s never even what I wanted to be.” Aquaria didn’t even lift her head off Cracker’s shoulder, she seemed exhausted.

Cracker felt sorry for her. Aquaria had been doing drag since she was able to buy make up and was performing since she had been old enough not to get kicked out of clubs, and she had been famous at an age where most other girls in here hadn’t even started drag.

The pressure was eating at her, but seeing as she was constantly under a magnifying glass with people waiting to see her fail, all she felt that she could do was put up walls and play the part of the arrogant prodigy. If you bothered to look at her when she wasn’t stress and there were no camera’s in her face, she was a sweet girl.

Cracker had lost herself in her thoughts, but Aquaria didn’t seem to be expecting an answer anyways. They were comfortable leaning against each other in silence in this dirty and narrow hallway for as long as the producers would let them.

“Aquaria? Can I ask you something?” Cracker felt brave enough to ask what she had always speculated about.

Aquaria nodded into her shoulder.

“A couple of years back, I felt like we were becoming friends, you know when we did all those shoots and performances, and went out for drinks, and then it all just stopped. I’m not blaming you, shit happens, but I’ve just always wondered… Was being compared to me really so horrible for you?” She hadn’t intended for it to sound as harsh as it did. But it had really hurt her back then, when Aquaria had slowly distanced herself more and more until they only saw each other at a show every couple of months.

Aquaria sat up and looked into her eyes.

“It was.” She said, looking down a little ashamed.

“Not because being compared to you was a bad thing because it was you, specifically, not at all- “Cracker was relieved to hear that, “I just didn’t want to be compared to anyone. I wanted to be unique and outstanding, and I was also young and dumb and thought that you would steal my thunder. I love dancing and performing more than anything, but people rarely see beyond my make-up. If my face was replaceable, so was I. You’re hilarious, you’re sweet, people would have been crazy not to prefer you.” She smiled her sad little smile.

Since they were now both sitting up straight and looking at each other, Cracker grabbed Aquaria’s hand for some physical comfort.

“I’m not better than you Aquaria, I mean it when I say we are completely different gigs, and we are both great at our own things. And you’re not only beautiful. I mean you are, god, you’re stunning. But there’s so much more to you than that.”

Aquaria smiled at her.

“Thank you. It really means a lot coming from you Cracker, honestly.”

“You know I was really sad when we stopped talking. Do you think this could be a second attempt at a friendship?” Cracker didn’t want to be too hopeful, but she really liked who Aquaria seemed to have become and she wasn’t going to let this chance go by.

“I would love that”, Aquaria said and pulled Cracker in for a hug, as well as that possible with the arrows sticking out of her chest. When they pulled back, Aquaria had the biggest and sweetest smile on her face, and Cracker felt all warm and tingly inside from seeing it.

They eventually got up and walked back to the sitting area, holding each other’s hand for support. The rest of the filming and whatever came afterwards, suddenly was a lot less intimidating.


End file.
